Like a Rhinestone Cowboy
That title has absolutely nothing to do with this post, that song was just in my head. Now it’s in yours. You’re welcome.
Today’s post is a question of sorts. As you all know, we are the parents of a young adult and a 7 year old. Of course, with this being the case, there are some things that one of them can do that the other is not allowed. For instance, Aidan can’t listen to any music that has cursing in it, or any “adult” themes or lyrics. However, that is not the case for the young adult. She’s old enough to be able to listen to whatever she likes, and she has her own car to do it in. We don’t monitor her listening choices.
Here’s the question: How would you handle when the teen is in charge of the kid and these issues arise? For instance, if the young adult picked Aidan up from school everyday and her music of choice was playing in her car, but her music of choice was the forbidden music.
Would you forbid her to listen to it while he’s in her car? Is that fair? Would you explain that you don’t want him to hear that, and then trust her judgment? Would you say “It’s her car, she can listen to what she wants, and we’ll explain to him that that’s not appropriate.”
Flip the script. What if I didn’t want Aidan to listen to it, but a bonafide adult, not related, picked him up from school every day and was jammin’ Lil Wayne? Would you handle it differently?
Chime in!
Since you asked – I would hope the young adult would respect your wishes as it relates to the 7 yo. Actually I would hope any adult would. in case they dont and its becoming a problem, you might have to find a new ride for the 7 yo.
I started to ramble – but that’s the jist of it.
I’d let any adult that has my child know that I don’t allow him to listen to certain music. If they can’t respect that, I wouldn’t allow my child to be with them.
I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask her to put the radio on another station or turn it off. She can even play a CD. If the other adult can’t respect my wishes I need to find an alternative way for my child to get home.
I would handle the same way with both. Ask them to not play it while he is in the car. I’ve been thru this before & that’s what I did. It’s only a few mins out of their day… It won’t kill them
I’d ask that they didn’t play it. That’s what I do with my kids and they are older. I still feel they shouldn’t be exposed to such vulgarities if they don’t HAVE to be. IMO.
I don’t have a problem requesting that any person respect my wishes when it comes anything that I feel a certain way about, especially when it comes to my children. If they cannot respect that…they will not spend time with my girls. Once again, I’d have no problem letting them know. Just ask my 15 year olds father(Psonya, that’s a story that you’ll have to hear)
I think this is simple, P. I would tell the young adult (or any adult for that matter) that I’m trying to avoid exposing my 7 year old to mature music. I’d tell the young adult (since she is family) that she is a part of the “village” that is training up Aidan in the way that he should go. This means that, like you and Tim, sometimes you have to hold off on certain things since little kids don’t really know how to process mature things. It robs them of their innocence too early and that’s no good.
Then again, Aidan is like a forty-five year old man last I checked. Perhaps you should be telling HIM what he shouldn’t be doing around Ms. N to protect HER innocence. Heh.
P.S. Real mad at you for putting Rhinestone Cowboy in my head. Extra mad.
Co-sign!
Dr. Manning pretty much summed up what I would say and how I would present it to Nadia or any other adult. I would hope they would want to model good behaviors for Aidan.
Re the teen: I’d ask her not to play inappropriate music with Aidan in the car. But…since most of today’s music is highly inappropriate for a 7 year old, I’d make her a CD with approved songs that they can listen to when they’re in the car together. Heck, I made a few for Smoochy’s car. His listening tastes lean toward MJG and Denise LaSalle. LG doesn’t need to hear that. They listen to a lot of Michael Jackson, Bob Marley, Anthony Hamilton and Kirk Franklin when they’re together.
For the adult: Just ask them. Who would object to such a thing? And um, if Aidan ever comes home rapping Too Short it is so not my fault!!! Really.
Hmmm most people say ask her not to play it in the car. I’m gonna play devil’s advocate here. My best friend has two boys, a teen and a 11 yr old. The 11 yr old is tyler’s best friend. There are things that I don’t allow Tyler to do at home – watch scary movies,play adult video games with killing, etc. watch Boondocks or that kind of stuff. When he goes to their house, she does allow her kids to do those things. There are times when he comes home and tells me “Oh we watched Friday.” And in my head I was cursing her out, but the thing is, when he spends time at their house she’s in charge of him. I can’t tell her how to parent and since I trust him to be there, whatever goes over there (w/in reason) is ok. I tell him I understand you watch stuff sometimes that I dont’ allow, but why must you tattle tale about it? Another thing is I think i may “shelter” tyler a bit more than her kids. A part of me does appreciate that he picks up on “street” stuff around her kids. He won’t always be in a glass bubble or whatever and he will come in contact with certain things as he grows up and I just have to trust that he’s listened to my preaching about what is and isn’t right.
Yep, this is how I feel. Co-sign…
My parents raised us like this–we couldn’t watch In Living Color or Married With Children. I was so scared of the consequences that I refused to watch at anyone else’s house.
If I am paying for the Teen’s car then I would demand she play kid-friendly music in the car with my child. If the Teen is paying for her own car, then all I can do is make the request and hope that she is mature enough to understand.
If it was a non-related adult, then I would really question my choice in child care. If they don’t know well enough to know play Lil Wayne and whatnot when my child is in the car, then they are not the child care provider for me.
I would ask the teen not to play the hard core stuff in the car when she’s riding me, my mama OR her little brother. Appropriate conversation, music etc. differs with the audience. Hubby and I might watch Ca.liforn.icatio.n but I’m not watching that show with my dad in the room! and I’m 45.
Totally unrelated: when I was six, I had the biggest crush on Glen.n.Cam.pbell. Why?
It would be very easy for me to tell the young adult not to listen to it while the child was in the car. EASY. If she couldn’t do it then there will be repercussions for HER. Any child of mine has to do what I tell them to do and turning off you music for a ride home is a very simple task.
My 40 y.o. brother picks up my 10 y.o. son from school sometimes and I have had to talk to him about having the radio on the rap station. I dont let my son listen to it. It complicates things that he has a son the same age and he lets his son listen to it. But I dont care. You gotta do something else while my kid is in the car. Sorry.
“Would you explain that you don’t want him to hear that, and then trust her judgment?”
THIS^^^^
Afterall Aidan is her little brother, she wants what’s best for him too.
As for any other adult, I would explain my position and ask that they help me as I would help them if they asked.
It IS stuck in my head now.
Since she is old enough to make her own decisions, and responsible enough to pick up her brother, I’d explain it to her just as you said. Any other adult, I’d let them know and give them a side eye…Lil Wayne though?
Because the young adult is family, you have a right to ask her not to play music that is inappropriate for a 7 year old. If she is capable of discerning what is appropriate and what is not, then it shouldn’t be a problem. However, you will know if she is honoring your request because children repeat everything!
I echo what most have said. IMO, as a parent (to both the Teen & 7 yr old) you have every right to make it known what your preferences are and expect that they are honored. For the other adults, it’s similar. Make your preferences known and expect that they be honored too (much as you would do with others). If they’re consistently not honored, then I’d make other arrangements.
I did like the suggestion about making a mix CD with appropriate music. Who knows? Ms. N might even like that too.
And now I’m walking around this campus singing this song. I think I will torture my next class by playing it before lecture so they’ll be stuck with it too
Funny you have this post – and I know I am late responding. Over the weekend I had my grandkids (1 and 5 y.o.) and my 17-y.o. daughter was in the kitchen listening to music. When I walked into the kitchen with the kids she said, aw man now I have to turn off my music. I said, why and she said because you turn it off in the car when they are with us. She earned points for that observation. I don’t see why it would be a problem to ask Nadia to not play that music when Aidan is in the car but I suspect she already knows that it is inappropriate for her little brother to hear it. Hope she makes the right decision.