PSERENDIPITY

Lord, this post could go on for days.  Those of you who know me can attest to that.  I met Jemera about 3 years ago when I decided to participate in the Delta GEMS mentoring program.  Jemera and I were assigned to each other.  …..I’m trying to think of a way to make this long story short….

The situation with Jemera and I ended up being complex.  When we first met, I got the distinct impression that Jemera’s mom was a hindrance to her schoolwork and that she was unconcerned about how she was doing.  I knew that she was a little strict on Jemera and that she didn’t participate in Jemera’s activities.  I also knew that Jemera’s family was large (she has 5 brothers and a sister) and that they didn’t have any money to spare whatsoever. 

So, I took up where she left off there.  Me and Aidan were the ones that were at the school for the pageants and the school projects.  I was the one that was up there paying for Senior Week and volleyball camps.  You know how you see somebody trying to do something and you want it to happen for them, so you do every single thing you can to make it happen.  That was me.  And Tim.  Jemera would be the first one in her family to make it out of high school, and she had dreams of going to college.  She was good at volleyball, so that was one avenue.  Academics, well, she tried.  She was very outgoing and she was at a new school in her Junior year, so we had no problem supporting her desire to be in this or that pageant or whatever.  As long as she stayed on the honor roll.  And she did.

In short, Jemera became half our kid, half her parents kid.  Seriously, it was almost like an every other weekend visitation thing.  The extra kid in the Disney World pictures?  That’s her.  I can’t recount the bumps on the road getting her to graduation day, but the biggest one by far was the decision between college and the Navy.  That was where our story changed.   On the night of her graduation, that was when the story changed with her mom.  And her.  And me and her mom.  No one has been the same since.  Lordy lordy, that is surely a story for another day. 

So, here we are today.  Because of lots of things that have happened, Jemera is angry with me.  Justifiably, I guess, in her teenage mind.  She did make it to college.  She’s about to have a baby.  Yet another turning point.

Tim says that I went above and beyond my duties, and I know I did.  So did he.  Our goal (Tim’s and mine) was to get her out of high school and securely into her next start in life.  We did that, but its still hard to let her go when she know that she’s making mistake after mistake after mistake. 

Anyway, that probably confused you all.  But, really, I could blog about this for days on end, and maybe I will if you all want to hear more about it.  And, too, when it comes to this story, the rest is surely still unwritten.

I’ve decided that I’m out of the mentorship game.  If you haven’t noticed, it doesn’t really end well for me, and my subjects always end up with kids.  I won’t subject another child to my mentoring.    Anyway, Tim says that I’m forbidden to get another mentee.  Really, I think he’s a little heartbroken, too.  So, there you have it.  My stories with my girls.

When I heard that the name of my newest client was Coco Chanel and that she was from the least desirable area of town ever, I rolled my eyes and braced myself for my encounter. I was fully expecting them to bring in an eye rolling, gum poppin, lip smacking teenager.  I was wrong.  When Coco appeared, she was high as a kite. 

I would later learn that Coco had a penchant for smoking weed and not going to school.  She made no apologies for either.  So, my normal speech just wasn’t going to work on her.  She wasn’t going to stop weed or start school.  I decided that I had to get to know her to find out why.  Well, her mom was a crackhead who had left her with her Daddy.  Her Daddy was a dood that didn’t really want to raise anyone, so he left her home alone while he lived with his girlfriend.  Her grandma came around every once in a while to check on her.  Coco despised her Daddy just as much as she loved him, but only because he paid her no attention.

So, my defense for Coco was to go up against her Daddy.  I got her put in the shelter (which she hated because it meant no weed and some school, but she liked because it wasn’t the detention center), and I got her Daddy put into the Fatherhood Initiative.  I also got the judge to make him pay for her lawyer.  That got his attention.  He slowly warmed up to her, she slowly warmed up to me.  Her relationship with her Daddy was on again off again.  Therefore, she was in youth court on an on again off again basis.  And everytime, I was there begging for another chance for her.  For some reason, everybody was so enamored with her that we could always excuse what she had done.  Once, we orchestrated a plan where we would scare her like she was going to training school.  When the judge told her that, that girl hung on to me like there was no tomorrow.  After that, I wasn’t able to let her go.  And I surely wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to her.  Well, really, no one was.  Coco was a victim of circumstance.  And she was 16.  She didn’t bother anybody or so anything bad at all, she just did what she did and she was never really sorry that she had done it, only sorry that we were disappointed in the process.  That girl had a smile that would make you buy her some McDonalds, and she just wanted people to love her.  Once she realized that she had a team of people at the youth court that had her back, she started trying.  And she was doing well for a while.

Then she turned 18 and we couldn’t do anything for her.  We had to let her make it on her own.  A courtroom full of tears, even the judge, when we had to let Coco walk out of those doors without our supervision.  We all knew.

She ended up with a baby.  We all ended up at the hospital with pampers and baby clothes, calling Medicaid, helping Coco.  But we still knew.  And we still said “Coco, just.call.us.  If you ever need anything, just call us.  We will get it for you.”  But she had been independent for far too long.  And she had been smoking for far too long.  So we knew.

Eventually, we’d ask if anybody had heard from Coco.  Had anybody seen her?  Nope.  I saw her one day and she was so high she didn’t know who I was.  Her mom had come back and, well, you know the rest.  I got a call one day here at my present job.  Coco was in jail for the abuse and neglect of her children.  It was a sad sad story, but it was the naivete of Coco up and down.  She was asking for me.  She wanted me to come get her kids.  I knew full well that I couldn’t, so I told them to tell her I would be there as soon as I could.  And later I went home looking for her.

She was out on bond.  I saw her at the hospital, but she didn’t see me.  I started to say something, but i didn’t know what I could say that would knock some sense into her.  Then I figured that if I couldn’t do what she asked, I would have failed her.  And then I figured that she’s grown now, so I should just let her be.  I made sure that she knew I had been there.  Then I wiped my eyes and walked away.

When I was in college, our sorority established a Big Brother/Big Sister program along with the Omegas.  That was my first real taste of mentoring.  And I’ve been doing it every since.  Really, I’ve only had two official mentees, and one girl that I attached myself to.  For some reason, this week, I’ve been thinking about those girls.  The reason is because I was wondering if two of them was going to turn out alright.  Its been on my mind, so I’ll share.

I met Toya and her sisters Kita and Kim when I was a junior in college.  Toya was in 3rd grade.  Toya always had quite the adventurous spirit, but with a hard core exterior.  She was always rebellious, but for some reason she would listen to me.  I saw her every day almost.  I tutored her, I went to her school for progress updates, I stopped by and talked with her mom periodically.  She spent some weeks in the summer with me, I probably took her almost everywhere.  She loved my Grandma.  Everything was good until I graduated and moved away.  Well, her grades were never good.

Anyway, I called one day to check on her after some time had passed.  She had been fighting.  The next time, she had been to youth court for something.  The next time, she had been expelled.  The next time, she’d decided that she was just going to do hair.  I wished I could see her and talk to her more often, but I was in law school…busy.  Then I graduated and moved home to work…busy.  When I was in Jackson, I’d stop by.  Sometimes she was there, sometimes she wasn’t.  Once I stopped by and met her son, who was about 8 months old.  I never asked her about school.  I never wanted to know if she finished, I just wanted her to be alright.

I moved back to Jackson and went by one day after work.  Still, no Toya.  But after a long visit where we sat on the porch and drank pop, they told me they’d tell her to call me.  It had been about 10 years.  One day we were in the mall, and I heard someone saying “Sister!!”  There she was, all grown up and smiling and beautiful with a head full of Tina Turner hair (the girl always walked on the wild side).  And pushing a stroller.  This time with her daughter in it.

She calls me every couple weeks to check on what I’m doing, and vice versa.  She works at the  eye doctor’s office.  And about a month ago, I got an invitation to her housewarming.  That made my heart smile. 

I never really think that I made a huge impact on her life.  I think most of all she made an impact on mine.  Meeting her and her family gave me a real clue about a lot of things in life.  I hope that she remembers something I said, or something I did.  But even if she doesn’t,  Toya is gonna be just fine.  And that’s just fine with me.

Thank you, Daaaddy, for being the one he leans on.

the difference between Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant, or the kid who plays high school ball.  All I see is the same thing…people shooting a ball into a basket.

the difference between comet and ajax, but my mom swears by comet.

the difference between NASCAR and Indy Car racing, but I watch them both.

the difference between french style green beans and cut green beans, but if I get the cut ones, I am NOT happy.

the difference between Aidan’s shirts.  But if you try to get him to put on his basketball white tshirt instead of his soccer white tshirt while he is playing soccer, he will have your head. 

why some people think there is no difference between Pepsi and Coke.  Hello???  But I really don’t understand the difference between Mug Root Beer and a Barqs.

You got one?

The car in front of me is ordering at KFC.

Car: I’d like a number 2 with the corn on the cob. And I want that grilled.
Speaker: Okay, you can get the number two, but we don’t sell the McRib (pronounced Mac Rib).
Car: What?
Speaker: I said the we don’t sell the McRib.
Car: Oh, no! I said I want that grilled.
Speaker: Yes, ma’am but we ain’t got that. That’s at Mac-Donalds. And its not even right now.
Car: Okay, I want the grilled chicken.
Speaker: McRibs are not chicken, ma’am.

*Car drives off*

Me: Bwaaaahahaha!
Speaker: Thanks for choosing KFC, may I take your order?
Me: Yeah, ya’ll got those McRibs?

Do you know someone who is always negative?  I know this lady.  You know her, too.  The one that told me to “just tell Aidan I asked” about the playdate.  Remember? 

Well, I’ve noticed that she is really extremely just a negative person.  There has never ever been not one conversation that I’ve had with her where he hasn’t been complaining about something.  The school, the tball league, the school director, whatever.  Anything, everything.

So much so, till it is now just a joke to me.  She complains that the school is unorganized.  I’m not so sure about that, but okay.  I think there’s a normal level of disorganization but it doesn’t really really bother me, mainly because Aidan is just so flippin happy there that I can deal with it.  She’s mad because they took all the kids in the gym to play basketball, even the ones who didn’t sign up for it, and now her son wants to play when she had no intentions on letting him play.  Me either, but Aidan is playing so it is what it is.  Besides, the practices are during the day and they take to kids to the games.  All you gotta do is show up to pick them up.  She’s mad because the jerseys look like girl jerseys.  I’m not so sure about that one either, plus Tim would have immediately pointed out that Aidan had on a girl shirt. 

I’ve just come to the conclusion that she is how she is.  Apparently, she’s miserable about something so she’s just going to make everyone who can’t climb up on her high horse miserable, too. 

The person that I feel sorry for is her son.  I’ve never really even seen her be particularly “motherly” to him.  You know, like everytime I see Aidan i give him a hug and a kiss.  She might smile and say “Okay, —-, let’s go.”  So business like.  He’s just the happiest, nicest little kid that you ever did see.  For now.  But how long can you live around somebody who never sees the good in anything before you pick up that trait, too?  Poor baby. 

Anyway, that bothers me.  I don’t know why, but I wonder how some people end up like that.  It intrigues me that she can be so clueless about how foolish she comes across.  I think I need somebody to psychoanalyze her and figure it out so I can avoid coming across whatever she came across.  Bless her heart.