Olly-Olly-Toxin-Free!

So, I’m bipsy boppin along one day and I see an ad for an Ionic Detox Foot Bath.  I thought “Hmmm”, I picked it up and kept going.  Curious is my middle name, so I called the Spa to check it out.  A very nice lady named Lacresa explained to me that you put your feet in water, and then she places a machine in the water that draws the toxins from your body.  The toxins then appear in the water.  It was only $25.00, so I said what the hell, toxin removal can never be bad…right? 

I appeared at the loverly Tanning Spa and Salon all ready for my detox.  Honestly, I was sleepy as all get out, and I figured what better way to spend your lunch hour than with feet soaking, cool air blowing, and lavender scents a flowin’.  Yeah…so I’m on chill mode, my feet are in the water, I’m maxin and relaxin.   LaCresa keeps coming in to check on me and make sure I’m drinking my water, and I’m all like “this is the life.”

Then I started to have to clear my throat.  A lot.  Then my midsection starts tingling, and my right knee starts feelin a leeeetle wierd.  And I’m thinking to myself “What the hell?”  My sinuses were draining so much I literally had to keep coughing.  And then, I looked down at the once crystal clear water, and I saw this:

I’m thinking to myself “for real?…what is this?….ugh, this is nasty and my feet are in it…..ugh, this is nasty and it’s coming out of my feet.“  Bout that time Lacresa comes back in and I smile like I’m all roses and chocolate and ask her exactly what is going on?  She tells me what is in the water, and gives me a book.  Based on what you see above, this is what my body was letting out:
Orange — Joint toxins (remember the knee?)
Yellow — Bladder, Urinary Tract, Female Prostate (remember the tingling midsection?)
Foamy Substance floating — Mucus (remember the draining sinus?)
Oil floating — Fat (Yeyah!!)

It only lasted for 30 minutes, but I swear I felt better after I left. I have problems with my knee, and after that my knee feels so much better when I go to the gym.  Lacresa told me that I would sleep like a baby that night, and she was shole nuff telling the truth.  So, if anybody needs to remove some toxins, I recommend an ionic foot bath.  Try it for yourself.  As for me, my battle against toxins has just begun.  I’m going back and get me another one!